Foolish Hu-Mans!

One of my all time favorite movies just got a fantastic write-up over at And You Call Yourself a Scientist, an equally favorite online film review website -- and you can read Lyz's hilarious take on Robot Monster by clicking right here. I do truly love that movie, too; it is so right in its wrongness that one can only boggle as it plays out and transcends into something truly remarkable -- the ultimate gonzoid monster-movie classic. And I still contend that Mr. Tucker's magnum opus needs to dethrone Ed Wood's Plan 9 as thee quintessential B-movie watching experience. There's just something about the Shakespearean sincerity when our hero, Ro-Man, tries to profess his doomed love for the Hu-man A-lice, that one can't help feel sorry for the big lug:



Kind of hits you right [thumps chest] there, don't it. So much so that I'm surprised no one has tried to combine those elements, the Bard by way of Barrows and Brown, into one film yet:

"Hath not a Ro-Man eyes? Hath not a Ro-Man hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same calcinator death-rays, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Hu-Man is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? At what point do these two ideals connect on the graph? Why can this not be in the plan?!? Therefore if we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. We cannot but we must. For if a Ro-Man wrong a Hu-Man, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Hu-Man wrong a Ro-Man, what should his sufferance be by Hu-Man example? Why, revenge; a revenge most indescribable. Fact: the villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. There is no escape from me!"

-- Agent X-J2, "The Merchant of Ro-Man", Act III Scene I

I'm telling ya, it would have been beautiful.